A free assortment of gibberish

Are you in need of a recommendation? Yes?
This cat’s autobiography is quite interesting.
Papercut. I unfortunately do not have nine lives.
My fault. All my fault.
Should have filed down the edges.

His innocence. Killed.
Stolen by the Barbie Doll.
Next time, I’ll glue her clothes on.
And Flush Ken down the toilet.
He'd appreciate the gesture.

Did I say that? I will completely disagree to agree.
You would recall me speaking nonsense.
I will eventually sincerely apologise.
On behalf on my mouth, I deliver this message.
Check under your bed covers for broken shards of glass.
A gift from your reflection.

Drink plenty of water.
We have too much of it. No. The toxins are relatively safe.
Minor incontinece is a small price to pay for replenishment.

Sorry, the bathroom is currently occupied.
Good news, the first visit is always free – VAT excluded.

I was told that it is unacceptable to pull faces in a mirror of a public restroom.
The lady near the soap dispenser sent me that telepathic message. How nice.

Is that the time? That was a subtle hint of my boredom.
The sun dial on my wrist is most accurate at sundown.
I had it specially engineered by a Gnome.
It seems fishing didnt pay much.

I should be going. Mary Poppins lent me her umbrella.
She threatened to attack me with it, if i were to lose it.
I've never been so nicely blackmailed.
Air traffic will probably ask for my insurance.
And I'm not comfortable with giving my age.
I think I’ll walk. On all three's.