18/10/2012

A Nothing

with the apocalypse, I’ll rise with blackness
turning it all into a camera obscura of afterlives
circles and knives are thrown down chutes to the devils

I told them how it would end, but my warnings
were pushed under the beds of molested children
and into the bras of transformed hookers, with their Gin

there was nothing I could say to the crying crows
they had lived – unlike I had. discarded lenses of cross
shaped apertures hung in the air like silence;

and like him a creature suffocating in my heart.
with your Gods  and faith how do you reason? how do you sleep?
hold me to your vinyl’s; kiss me into my folds of skin

sometimes I dance, erratically, without seduction
to the chimes of churches and the screams of exorcisms
I am deaf to your happiness and blind to your vibrations

how do you want me? with my lies and fear. I am an illness –
the definition of loss. I don’t love you, I cannot,
you are good, and I, I am eyes without a purpose.
   

11/09/2012

Oblivion

I’ll make up all the rules
I’ll design your oblivion
Give me the seasons
And those voided nights
I’ll undress a sacrifice
And hold it up to the light
To examine its diseases
Soon, it’ll morph into a lust
That will consume us
And mould our grey matter
Into volatile proportions  
So we’ll never be able to see
Past eachother’s eyes. 

12/07/2012

Teeth

they are terrified of me
and I cannot understand why
I spiral into tragic afterthoughts
of hindsight’s and maybe’s   
when I am asleep I feed on the skin
of wounded animals
I awake with organs and dreams
hang from your mouth
the sky looks the same as it did yesterday
so do the flowers
but the children are no longer alive
they wanted nothing of it
in this backwards facing place
all the formations bleed and obstruct
I am absorbed into a silvery comatose
and anchored down to a dark sea
I feel hate pushing against my skull
so I pull out every one of my teeth
until I can no longer speak.

04/07/2012

Silver Moon

It could drive you insane
the sideways world
and all its conspiracies

like a doll whose porcelain eyes
had only seen molestation
I am too numb for movement

the window panes
count themselves off
as I plan my escape

with awareness and fragility
pushing against my spine
I spiral, coil and compress

the silver moon it contains me
under its white coating
it folds me up, holds me down

a navy embodiment
I will forever bloom
until I reignite.

01/07/2012

Regenerations of the Flesh

severed heads roll
and multiply like flies
eye sockets and mouths
sprout legs
and wings grow
onto the tops of heads
I watch as the sky blackens
and disappears
the heads they fly
into the fire
of the earth’s core

their stone cold bodies
remain on the surface
puddles of blood congeal
into scarlet ceramics
sentiment beats punctures
into drums made of skin
and gives itself
to the men
who want to be inside of it
dawn will pull their bodies inside out
dawn will make them new.

30/06/2012

Half Ribbed

those aren’t cigarette burns on your arms
they are holes left behind from my love
I called, and it crawled out from the lining of your skin
you are a section: half ribbed and fragmented   
my love now rots amongst your soiled clothes

you want, without giving. with a burning gun you scar
and destruct; and bury the remains in my eyelids
my arms strain from holding up the blue moon
I cannot dream or lust without its soft exhales
those were never cigarette burn on your arms.

14/06/2012

Deficiency

shortcuts obscure, and burn out of existence
so I take the long way around. the piercing sound
of the beating sky uncovers demons hidden behind
the doors of sadists. I count the windows of his house
I watch him work, hanging the faces of his unwilling lovers
onto the walls. occasionally I would visit, sometimes
I would leave bleeding; other days I wouldn’t feel for days.
when they asked why I always returned I would explain
it was the closest thing to death I would ever feel.
if one day you hear of my suicide, don’t pity me
the world was never enough, and neither was he.

21/05/2012

Limbo

this cosmos was too small to hold her together
eyes and patience glue torn skin into paradoxes
of doubles, triples, that juxtapose into one another
like a ripleless sea where noboby drowns, or lives
this galaxy anchors itself to the hinge of nothingness

its suspension couldn’t be reasoned, but she understood
with its chaos and insolence and moonbeamed shields
it would drift like the burning pages of its lined atlas
and she would breathe in its silver fumes, suffocating
on its philosophy until she was compressed into herself

and that would be the story, of the girl who asked for too much
she’d splinter and minimise like the screen of her content
until hell spat her out, until her reincarnation refused her
until nothing was left, but a shell that wasn’t really there
to exist in undiscovered universes, until she was erased.   

11/05/2012

I Knew Nothing

dead batteries
and checkered apathy
chew through
beige coloured carpets
like a coffee spill,
like a leaking mouth,
like a blip;
of words fingering eachother
with needless
all apologies and disgust
cling to the mossed walls

I ask the lady in the white coat
about a referral
she shrieks back alien replies
in morse code,
whore
using castration as an excuse
for her infidelity
the doctors have hung themselves
in the waiting room
while I was in the bathroom
vomiting up a foetus

I am diseased, rotten
too cold to set on fire
but you look at me
like I have the universe
frothing form my mouth
like a lost moon
without a socket
and I couldn’t
breath or see or sleep or function
I knew nothing of anything
I knew nothing of me.

04/05/2012

Nightwalking

my bones fluctuate between heat and resentment
I could feel resuscitations on my still black heart
from the moon that followed me across the bridge

I couldn’t remember how to listen until the trees whispered
verses of Neruda as I passed and the grass lisped Plath
my perceptions frayed at the sight of the descending moon 

I watched as the air filled with coffee fumes and nicotine
the sky darkened briefly with bitterness as I wandered
up onto the landing, across the rooftop and into my head.
 

11/04/2012

Interference

you are a tragedy, an erratic equilibrium
amber bleeds through the air from your eyes
settling on the tips of our dense hyperboles
I couldn’t remember what lies were for
or why I wanted lightning to hit the sea
your lips they interrupt

and burn through my soul like a pyromaniac
with liquid sunlight sewn through his nerves
I wait with a grudge, with a sulphuric ideal
schizophrenic premonitions claw into my skull
the clouds form headless horses before me
your hands they obstruct

like molten light your fingerprints sear onto my skin
and bruise my veins into triangles and dream catchers
I’m a pathological liar, I could kill, I dream of nothing else
the sky opens up for you baby, it feeds you golden birds
your thoughts they filter, they trickle, they evaporate.

06/04/2012

Watercolour Dream

with your head on the pillow
watercolour leaks from your ear
drenching the pillows spectral
and the sheets kaleidoscope
like a faucet your pores wisp
nebula particles onto my skin
multi-coloured specks
get caught in my hair and throat
but you don’t notice, you’re lost
in a comatose surrender
you don’t feel my hands
claw at your chest, or my tongue
on your neck. you don’t even feel
the knife I plunge through your heart.

26/03/2012

μοιχαλίδα (adulteress)

I used to watch her make love to the holes in the sky; like a gymnast
she’d jump from cloud to cloud, my beautiful amber clad adulteress. and
when her love finally imploded, she laid her head upon my knee and died.

18/03/2012

Water

golden knights whisper me inbetween my sheets, to sleep,
without a reason as to why I couldn’t be conscious
before I could ask, I am gagged and restrained, and
thrown into the lake like a unwanted child. I fight the tide
but the mermaids drag me under, into the sapphire silence
to live eternally in predetermined angerless indifference.

15/03/2012

Love, and Nothing

windows move in squares of automatic dejection
curtains close and open; shatter and mend
invading stripped couches and his fatigued eyes
and when the brickwork casts a hostile silhouette
of the misery of their phases, his moon will eclipse

faces dissolve into one another, oblivious and serene
planning the annihilation of their seeping integrity –
soon, his hands will be bloodied with pale conquest
and the skin of his victims will become immortal
as patchwork across his arms, no longer a glassed human

smoke screen children would look on with inflated sighs
and dolls and cars will whirlpool in unison; in struggle
as murderers don masks and penetrate their tiny orifices
but all I see is my beautiful beloved removing his clothes
I watch as he drifts, he tells me to be still, to love

but I cannot move from searing fatigue, movement
is a delinquency, and I apologise and plead but he fades
away with my translucent affection. whenever an ending
dawned I would look away and plaster myself onto the wall
until the beginning, until it started over again, until, until.

12/03/2012

there was no sky

there was no sky; only infinite layers of blackness
the universe had swallowed itself whole, her
blue and green pretence lay in shreds at my feet
which dissolved at my touch. the ground was

a dreary grey, and whenever I would glance down
it would fade with a blink. until there was nothing
left to hold me in place but ribbons of practicality
I didn’t want suspension, I wanted for everything

to return to where it had been. as if the air had heard
my pleas, it constricted like a vice, with dense retaliation
my lungs didn’t care, neither did my soul. then the ground
shifted, and I was plunged into an ocean of nothing.

09/03/2012

Bang, Bang, Bang

would you mind if I made you swallow my fist?
you were never good for anything but your guilt

take me to where you kill lovers, show me their
flesh eaten faces. your lucidity burns my irises

then, darkness. have you ever imagined burning
me alive? do my words build pillars in your hell?

I have a bullet with your name on it and a kiss
to imprint onto your spine. bang, bang, bang.

19/02/2012

Despair

I dream in silhouettes of invisible creatures
they rip into my stomach and feed off my hunger
sometimes they eat for hours, sometimes
they watch me sleep, breathing in my dark

you expect too much of me, you ask too much questions

I imagine you underwater drinking in the silence
I drink with you, but it burns my throat, you laugh
indigo bubbles drift out of your sun-glazed eyes
I ask you to drown me, you refuse, so I drown myself

hold this to me, my anguish; one day it’ll consume you.

18/02/2012

Solar Flare

my head lays burning at your feet
emptied of all consequence. ash
stains the carpet, clinging to the
skin of dead insects. before I disintegrate
I memorise your face. my body stands,
headless, counting the hours. there
is a monster attached to my heart,
long haired and delicate he breathes
when I breathe. I could almost taste
him in my dreams, my perpetual lover.
rip him out of my chest so I can love you
the way you deserve. inject me with disaster
and sear me onto your groin. this tapping,
this waiting, it kills me. when it hurts, it burns
like a solar flare piercing through my burning
head that lays still and silent at your feet.

04/02/2012

Coffee Monologue

preoccupations rot warm styrofoam around my fingers
dissolving into wrinkles and burns; the sunlight twists
around my oblivion, straddling the abdomen of my cares

I tap lipstick smudged edges to life, the table levitates up
towards the fans on the ceiling, testing gravity. memory hits,
his keys and words deflate into the belt of softened replies

my mobile lays daydreaming, the dial tone shreds my eardrums
I check my pulse, I check my airways, I check my pockets for a
stray pill. I stand to leave, dissolving into the checkered floor.

25/01/2012

Headless Squirrels

I lay hidden behind scarlet upholstery
murmuring into my burning pillowcase
as death and heat pushed through my skin.

(black curls fall in dishonest spirals. I take
a dose of sin. lunatics riverdance around
a bleeding corpse.

my mother cuts the head off squirrels
as she sings songs about disaster and
heartbreak.)

if you look hard enough at the scars on
my head you’d see an island of starving
skeletons craving anaesthetics and love.

13/01/2012

His Empty Stare

the flowers he had brought me sat rotting next to my empty vases
deprived of sunlight, they wilt, in moonless blackness as the piano
played something beautiful from before we were born, the doors
lock onto the floor, pinning keys back onto hooks of hotel rooms

I remember him, smothered in violet glitter, staring at the celling
as he whispered lifeless lyrics through cigarette stained teeth,
in another room I sit, crossed legged and alone, as my headless
daysleeper sat singing to a crowd that had never been there

his flesh used to wear me as a second skin, when he was miserable
I tore myself apart so he could empty himself into my darkness
If one day, I'd return to the place we use to love eachother, I imagine
I would see him staring at nothing and everything as he learnt to die.

11/01/2012

Hurricanes of Oblivion

this was the start of hurricanes of oblivion
strings of chemicals claw through the white
screens of my addiction, lifting me to rooftops

i hated her, the old lady in her worn down boot
she smoked the bones of her weary children
as she danced clumsily on my flaming heart

the walls entice me into their structures
to live happily in their cemented cores
like the skeletons that had gone before me

oh, how anarchy whistled to the golden stars
calling the gods down to torture their creations
with their necessities and promises of hell

pull me up from the spider infested waters
until land is the only place I know; knock me out,
and wake me at sunset, or don’t wake me at all.

03/01/2012

Reflections

sunlight punctures through the curtains
like needles through the skin
the shadows on the ceiling dance
as they become filled with white sound

as the walls gradually start to turn black
with fruit flies and delayed echoes
I could only watch as the world
shredded its shade of violet for black.