lack of transparency

i am inbetween
multiple states of transitions
trying not to drown
with sulphur into my lungs
it gets harder to breathe with clarity
harder not see flaws in lovers
see their dependences
i want to claw their eyes out
and hang them around my room
so they can see how unremarkable i am
i am a self tortured proxy of useless data
floating around factual contradictions
never quite solving anything
can i become self destructive at will
how many drugs will i have to mix
to erase the person i'm becoming.

(reading lack of transparency)