i'll make myself disappear
with zero calorie days

hooking my fingers onto my collarbones
i'll pull until the skin gives way
and i'll never stop until i see bone

i'll only ever see the guilt
that comes after every bite
the sore throat, the bloody nose
ends of toothbrushes dripping with bile

the smell of bleach clings
to my clothing
but i can still taste the putrid residue
at the back of my throat

in the midst
of some sort of fucked up retribution
i'll bruise myself
until red dents form around my arms

i'll take a drag from my cigarette
and my hand will pulse
from my self inflictions
and i'm reassured for a minute

puffy cheeks and red eyes
stare back at me

i'm too far away from my stash
to intoxicate myself into oblivion

pacify me until i can no longer
remember my name
or how much i've totalled for the day

subdue me into emptiness.