all the forgetting in the world
couldn't stop me remembering 
all the places i had sat bleeding 
in my teenage bedroom 

i used to be so blurry edged and soft
i would melt right into the coils of my mattress 
forgetting to breathe for entire days 
trying to replace my bones with petals 

my draws were still littered with pill bottles 
blueprints of suicides sit corroding my textbooks  
i had somehow managed to escape
and bury her in the flowerbed of my subconscious

but sometimes, on my bad days, i feel her ripping,
clawing, very almost, to the surface
puckering up her lips to whisper words
that will threaten me back into the secondary.